Episode Transcript
Speaker 1 00:00:17 Hello girls. Welcome to the Soar Girls Podcast. This is a place of conversation featuring stories of girls like you who have been influencing the world with the light of Jesus. Our vision is to raise a generation of girls who soar in Christ. We believe our conversations will lift, lead, and launch you into your God destiny. So dive in. Today we have with us Christine Neal. She's an author of Don't Ever Tell, and the podcast host of everyone has a voice and the founder of Choose Different Media. She's also a relationship recovery expert and empowers women to leave shame behind, forgive themselves and choose different. Christie is the voice of hope and healing to many. Hello Christie.
Speaker 2 00:01:21 You're so glad and honored to have you today on So Girls's podcast. Thank you
Speaker 3 00:01:28 For having me, Cheryl.
Speaker 2 00:01:30 I have, uh, actually known you for a couple of me months now that we have been chatting on email, but I'm so happy you, you agreed to do this. Uh, I, uh, when I read your story, your book, and the only thing I wanted is God if I am so blessed, uh, let the others be blessed. And I'm so glad I approached you. I'm so happy.
Speaker 3 00:01:52 Yes. I'm so glad you did as well, and I have enjoyed getting to know you over email and I love how God uses connections. So I am Christie Neal. I am the voice of hope, healing, and redemption after adultery. I am an author, a speaker, a mentor, and a podcast host, and I am the founder of Choose Different Media and the executive Director of Choose Different Media.
Speaker 2 00:02:22 Wow. Wow. Well, that's amazing. That's amazing. Just, uh, wanted to know how did this choose different coming to big church?
Speaker 3 00:02:32 Goodness. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So my origin story is 15 years ago, I began a relationship with a man at my church that was married. He was not married to me, and I was not married to him. And over the course of about one year of friendship, we fell into a full fledged affair. And I lived a double life with that man for about two and a half years. So when the truth of that affair came out, and we chose to tell the truth, we told our spouses on the exact same evening, uh, we did not get caught. Um, it, it did, it was not received well for me as the woman. And so I endured years of guilt, shame, rumors, and labeling. And unfortunately, my church chose to surround the man and his family. And it wasn't spoken directly to us, but it was known that my husband and myself were not welcomed back to the church.
Speaker 3 00:03:40 And so we started looking for another congregation and desperately searched for tools and resources to help us. So there was no lack of love in my first marriage. In fact, today we are still dear friends. Um, even though our marriage did not survive. So I found myself a divorced single working mom, my daughter, we had one daughter. She was four and a half at the time that we divorced, and we were getting used to the every other weekend rotation. You know, she was at her father's house that weekend. And I found myself Cheryl, just drowning in guilt and shame over what I had done. And I remember going to my daughter's bedroom. It was Pepto-Bismol Pink, just a very pink room. She had a tiny twin bed. And I was just wailing and I kneeled down beside her bed. And I was crying out to God.
Speaker 3 00:04:40 And I said, God, I have literally thrown away everything that you have blessed me with. I'm such a loser. I'm such a failure. Uh, I'm so sorry. You know, God, I'm just drowning down here. I need help <laugh>. And I remember begging him for a woman, and I said, I need a woman. God, I need a woman that has done what I've done, been where I've been. I need her to have a tremendous bounce back story. And I need her to tell me I'm gonna be okay. Uh, I was suicidal at the time. I, I had no hope. Uh, all of my friends, my family, my everything, I had lost everything. Uh, so it was me and my daughter and God. And for the first time in my life, I heard this gentle whisper to my spirit, not audible, but to my spirit. And it was calm.
Speaker 3 00:05:33 And it said, you are her. Mm-hmm. And I remember just crying out. I was so mad, and I was like, no. I was yelling at God. I, you know, I was just in that desperate place. I said, are you kidding me? I'm a mess down here, <laugh>. I'm in the South. You know, I had an affair to church. No one's gonna listen to me. I'm a woman like, God, I need this woman. Help me. And he just kept calmly whispering, you are her. You are her. And so I knew it wasn't me because I was hysterical mm-hmm. <affirmative> and falling apart. And this voice was very calm, very assuring. And, and I remember not understanding then, you know, that was a good 12, 13 years ago, but I understand now, and I am absolutely her, the voice of hope, healing redemption after adultery.
Speaker 2 00:06:30 Absolutely. And I can really say that. Cause I have been, uh, so blessed that you are her. And so glad that you, uh, followed, uh, the voice of God.
Speaker 3 00:06:42 Thank you. I I will share that. It took me a while because he kept nudging me. And then the next thing he asked me to do was write my story. And I had no idea how to write a book. I had never written a book. I enjoyed journaling. I loved journaling. I loved writing poems. Um, as, as a young girl, middle school, high school, and I journaled all the way through college. But as far as writing a book, I felt so incapable of that. And so he kept asking, kept nudging, kept nudging. You know, when something continues to keep coming up and you feel like you're supposed to do that thing, I call that a God nudge. And I remember saying, okay, fine, I'll write this book and no one is gonna read it, but I'm gonna write it because, so you'll leave me alone.
Speaker 3 00:07:36 And that was, I'm very stubborn and I talk back to God <laugh>. Um, but you know, I wrote the book and people are reading it, and it is helping women. And every step along the way, it's almost like as soon as I get comfortable being an author right, then God would ask me to do like the podcast. And I'm like, whoa, that's scary. You know, I don't know how to do a podcast. And so I always like to share if, if God is leading you to do something, maybe even if it's something you don't understand, something you don't want to do and something you feel incapable of doing, the key is just surrendering to God and saying, okay, I don't understand why you're asking me to do this, but I will do this. And then for me, because I learned through people, I'm actually not a big reader. I, I'm always busy. So it's hard for me to sit still and read. I would ask God, send people into my life to show me how to write a book.
Speaker 2 00:08:46 Wow.
Speaker 3 00:08:47 And then when it was the podcast, okay, God, send the connections and the people into my life to teach me how to do this podcast. So God will always equip you. He is literally just waiting for us to say, okay. And surrender.
Speaker 2 00:09:07 That's fantastic. I think that's such a big key. Many of our listeners, uh, God has been nudging them, uh, but they're still waiting. Um, you know, possibly some of us wait because we don't have an audience, or we just wait. Cause we, we, we don't have, uh, we are not bold enough to go and say, Hey, you know what? God said it, and he will bless it. But, uh, yes. What a beautiful key that you have shared that, you know, you ask God to send you people who know what they're, what, what, you know, know the subject and they can help you. Thank you so much. Yeah, you're welcome. You're
Speaker 3 00:09:42 Welcome. There's, there's a scripture that I love that has been coming to mind so much, and I wanna share that. And it says, the harvest is great, but the workers are few. And so what that tells me is God is always asking, he's always searching his people and asking them to, to work for him or work unto him. And he's just looking for us to say, okay. And in my story, it made no sense the things he was asking me to do for where I was. No one was listening to me. I had been canceled. Um, I went from someone that everyone loved and enjoyed. Oh, we just love Christie Nes. She's so honest, you know, she's so positive. Um, she's such a good mom and a good wife. Right? A good Christian woman. Well, as soon as I came out with my truth and they learned that I was messy, no one wanted to hear from me.
Speaker 3 00:10:46 So I really think it's important that even though I had zero audience, I had zero influence. I wasn't on social media at the time because it was unhealthy. I was comparing myself to everyone's, you know, perfect family. They were going on trips, they were having more children. Um, I didn't get to have any more children because of my own poor selfish choices. So I would also speak to, if you're being tempted, you know, into a relationship outside of your marriage, I understand that and I have zero judgment for you. But just know that the enemy's not gonna show you the consequences of that choice. He never showed me that I would not get to have any more children. He never showed me that. My first husband would find a younger woman who's beautiful and who had never had kids. And he would fall in love with her and do all the things with her that I was wanting to do with him, hiking, running, doing half marathons, having more children.
Speaker 3 00:11:52 And I have no one to blame but myself for that. I don't blame him. I don't blame his new wife. She's lovely. And they have two beautiful boys and I'm so happy for them and happy for my, my first husband. Like I said, we're good friends, but I missed out. So I wanna speak to, if you're being tempted to do something that is not honoring of yourself, not honoring of God, not honoring of your marriage, if you're married or your family, we are the ones that miss out. Yeah. It's fun for a season. It's a lot of fun, Cheryl, for a season. I will admit that. But then there is hell to pay if, if it's okay for me to say that. And you will be the only one to blame. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So just know if God is asking you to do something, he knows us better than we know ourselves. So surrender.
Speaker 2 00:12:51 Yeah. True surrender. That's, that's amazing. Thank you so much for that. You know, we've been talking, but I really wanna say this, that, uh, we've, uh, just for the listeners, cuz I know it and you know it, but I don't know if the listeners know it. We talking about the book, don't Ever Tell by Christy Neal, listen. You wanna tell us where, if I wanna, if my listeners wanna read the book, um, you know, where can they find it and how you know how to get Absolutely.
Speaker 3 00:13:15 Absolutely. I have a copy with me so I can show you. Um, so this is, don't Ever Tell Christie Neal, and you can get this on Amazon, you can get this on Audible. We now have the audio book. If you're not a big reader like me. Um, if you are a reader, this book reads like a novel. So I wanted it to be very quick and easy read. Um, it actually has the read time here, 184 minutes, so it won't, won't take you long. It's very thin and it has small chapters. You can also find the book on my website, which is choose different.org and you can get it there. And so there's many, many different ways. And then if, if your listeners would like to follow me on Instagram that's at choose different, and they can always direct message me, um, you know, be gentle. Sometimes it takes me a week to get back to people, but I always get back to them.
Speaker 2 00:14:20 Thank you so much for that. Um, yes. Uh, yeah, I mean, I mean, I reached out to you out of nowhere and, uh, I'm so happy you replied and Yes. Started off and I'm sure we, we will do much more together.
Speaker 3 00:14:35 Absolutely. And, you know, I just wanna share that it's my, my daughter is my greatest joy in life. Wow. But my second greatest joy in life is helping women, empowering them to either make better choices than I did. I call it, um, borrow my consequences. Learn from me. You know, if you are in college or if you are a young 20 something or about to get married, or maybe you're a newly married, read this book for the wisdom. Yeah. There are wisdom nuggets. I put everything in here that I wish someone would've shared with me as a college age. Uh, 20 something young, married mm-hmm. <affirmative>. I didn't work. My first husband and I didn't really work on our marriage. We, unfortunately, we both loved God. You know, we were virgins when we married. We didn't drink, we didn't do drugs. We thought, you know, we loved God and now we're married, we have arrived.
Speaker 3 00:15:42 Let the blessings of life flow. You know, and then we had our baby and I thought, well, this is, this is awesome. We have it all. And I wasn't in relationship daily with Jesus. I was going to church. Um, I was doing the do dos as a Christian and none of the don't dos. And I had a false sense of security in my own performance. And that is when the enemy can come in and tempt us. And I will share my, my story of how I was tempted into adultery because I loved my family. I was a new stay-at-home mom, and I was in the laundry room one weekend. It was a Saturday. I think Avery was, maybe my daughter was I think three months, four months old, something like that. But she was in a season, Cheryl, of just blowing out her diapers, <laugh>. And I was always scrubbing feces out of her clothes.
Speaker 3 00:16:55 And so before I was a stay at home mom, I had worked professionally with my degree, my degrees in communications and marketing for five years. So this was a very difficult change for me. I was used to working and having a weekend off. And so I'm in the laundry room on Saturday, I'm scrubbing her onesie, and all of a sudden it hit me like a ton of bricks. Oh my goodness. I don't get a weekend, I don't get a break. This is what I do. I'm doing the exact same thing on Saturday that I do Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. And I was like, I don't know if I can do this. Like the mundane, I loved her, don't get me wrong. But the professional side of me was like, ha. And just in that one moment I heard this and I thought it was my own thought. <affirmative>,
Speaker 3 00:17:49 You are such a good mom. And I was like, I'm such a good mom. And I said, you take care of the house, your husband, your grandma, your baby. What do you ever do for yourself? And I was like, I remember stop scrubbing. And I was like, what do I ever do for myself? And really, I did nothing for myself. Like many women were always giving, giving, taking care of, taking care of supporting, loving other people, which is wonderful. But we must balance that with self-care. And so I thought, I don't, I'm not doing anything for myself. And then I heard this, you deserve a season of fun, just a season, something just for you. And so in that moment, Cheryl, I agreed with that thought, thinking it was my own. But now looking back, that was a seed of temptation planted by the devil. And over the next six months from that moment, I would hear it about once or twice a week, that same thought pattern. And I would agree, I am a good mom. I do ca take care of everyone. I do deserve some fun, just something for me. And then lo and behold, something fun walked into my life and that person was married to someone else mm-hmm. <affirmative>. But I had already agreed I deserve this. Yeah. Do you see how it's like a slippery slope?
Speaker 2 00:19:22 Yeah.
Speaker 3 00:19:24 So I share that because I always tell my ladies, you must pray for wisdom and discernment. I call it discernment of spirits. So, you know, our, our thoughts can come from three places. I didn't know this as a young mom, they can come from God, they can come from ourselves, or they can come from the enemy. So when you pray for discernment, it helps you easily determine where your thoughts are coming from. If it's coming from God, I wanna do that right away. I wanna prioritize that. If it's coming for myself, I'm gonna prioritize that accordingly. If it's coming from the enemy, I need to kick it out.
Speaker 2 00:20:03 Yeah.
Speaker 3 00:20:04 And I wish I would've known then that I can use my words mm-hmm. To say, get behind me Satan, in the name of Jesus. Yeah. I adore my family. I adore my husband. I adore my job as a stay-at-home mom.
Speaker 2 00:20:18 Yeah.
Speaker 3 00:20:19 But I didn't have that wisdom.
Speaker 2 00:20:22 Yeah. Yeah. I just, uh, wanna talk about, just if we could go a little bit back and talk about so many things you've shared. It's some, it's wonderful. Sure. But if you wanna talk about the fact that, hey, you know what, I have been a good girl and like, you know, like you said, I've been the right Christian girl in the book. Yes. Uh, and I, I could never, ever, ever fall into adultery or it, it not, I mean, not just adultery, but any kind of addiction could be alcohol, drugs, smoking, or whatever it is. Relationships. Yes. Um, you, um, I mean, I think you in your book spoke about that, you know, you ev you if if they, if anyone would've asked you before marriage, hey, you know, would you ever fall into adultery? And you were never ever, ever, never think of that.
Speaker 2 00:21:10 Yeah. So, uh, do you wanna talk about the fact that from never ever, how, you know, you spoke about how, how sly the enemy was to enter into your life and agree to it. And then you spoke about discerning. So, and you are thinking, okay, you know what, there are so many teenage girls who, who are not yet married, and they may get tempted to fall into addiction or ma or a, you know, uh, relationship before marriage even. Yes. Because they don't receive the, the love that, you know, they actually think they're supposed to receive from their husbands. They, they kind of tend to try to get that love from someone else or their attention from someone else. Right. So how do I discern that, hey, you know what, this is from God, these are, these thoughts are from the enemy, or these are just thoughts that just keep coming. How do I discern that
Speaker 3 00:22:00 Exactly? Sure. Well, first I will start off with what you were speaking to about being, you know, a good Christian girl. Um, so my parents were divorced mm-hmm. <affirmative>, my father, they divorced when I was two mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So I really never remember them being together. So I didn't have a good example of what a marriage looked like. First of all, I also had a very large daddy hole in my heart. I think a lot of of girls do. If your dad worked a lot, if your, if your parents were divorced, if your dad was always distracted or maybe just not good at verbally reassuring you or sharing love or showing love affectionately, you can have a daddy sized hole in your heart. Which means we are always looking for attention and reassurance that we are worthy of love. So for me, I had that daddy sized hole.
Speaker 3 00:22:57 Um, but I really felt like, because I knew adultery and my family dynamics, my grandfather ran around on my grandmother. I was like, I will never, never, ever, never commit adultery. And I made sure I married a pure man. That was respect. He's such a good man. He is, to this day one of the best men. I know. My first husband, he was a wonderful man. And so I knew he would never commit adultery. But the way the enemy works is he plants lies in our head. And I had this tape of negative self-beliefs in my mind, um, that I was, was not gonna be good at marriage because I didn't have a good example. That marriage may be good for a little while, but it's probably gonna go south, you know, go bad at some point because divorce, everyone in my family was divorced on my mom's side and my dad didn't have any siblings.
Speaker 3 00:24:02 So it was just him and he was divorced. I also believed that when, when I kept saying never, right, I will never do that. I now speak the wisdom nugget. Never say never, because it's like this. If I know I'm never gonna do something, I am not gonna guard myself against that temptation. Oh yeah. So when you say, oh, I would never become an alcoholic, it's okay to have a drink socially, it's okay because I'm never gonna be an alcoholic. You see what I mean? So for me, I'm never gonna commit adultery. I know the devastation that causes in families, but it's okay for me to check out men and flirt and send a funny email. And for me, it started, the entire affair started from me selling a skincare product. So I was an independent consultant with Mary Kay when I was a stay-at-home mom.
Speaker 3 00:25:13 And I was trying to reach a goal. And I was my husband, my first husband. It was his idea. Send emails out to all the husbands at church to see if they've gotten Christmas gifts for their wives to try to reach this goal. I think I needed $400 more in sales. And so that's how I met the man that I had the affair with selling him some Mary Kay products for his wife. I didn't even know him. So just know that the devil is tricky. And when I say discernment, it is so important for us. And I didn't realize how important to not just be going to church, listening to other people's messages. You know, listening to podcasts, we have got to be in the word daily. I have to do this daily because my reality is I have committed adultery before I can no longer say I would never do that.
Speaker 3 00:26:18 Right? So just like an alcoholic can't hang out at a bar, I have to protect my eyes, protect my mind, protect my, uh, beliefs, my words. I no longer flirt with men. I no longer compliment men. Um, even if I'm just trying to be kind. I no longer check men out. Um, if, if there's a show I'm watching and there's a scene, you know, with, with a couple making out, or I don't look at it, you know, we have to protect our ears, our eyes. These are our gateways. Right? To our soul. Our soul is our mind will and emotions. So a simple formula, because for me, I don't like to read, right? So when someone says, Christine, you need to be reading the Bible, I'm like, oh my, where do I start? Like the bible's like this big, you know, <laugh>. Yeah. And so for me, our pastor taught us this.
Speaker 3 00:27:17 It's 15 minutes a day. It's so simple. It's called, I call it the Power of 15. And even if you do it Monday through Friday, it's best to do it every day. But I'm just challenging girls, ladies, Monday through Friday commit to just 15 minutes in the morning. So think about it this way. Your, your Bible before your breakfast. And so I get up a little bit earlier intentionally to spend time with God. I go upstairs, we have a bonus room, it's quiet up there. I sit in a, it's like a little recliner and I worship for five minutes just singing songs, simple songs. Jesus loves me, blue skies in rainbows. You know, whatever you like, put on some Christian music and sing along. Then I pray for five minutes. I pray over my day. I pray over my family. Um, I pray God, who could have blessed today what needs to be done today?
Speaker 3 00:28:15 Um, I stopped praying, God, what is your will be done? I started being proactive. God, what needs to be done? I wanna work unto you. Um, and then I read my Bible for five minutes and literally it changed my life. And now that 15 minutes has grown, you know, now I love to spend an hour with God. But just start there. It doesn't have to be complicated. And with your Bible reading, start in the gospel, the New Testament so you can learn about Jesus. Cuz every day I'm trying to be more and more like Jesus. And then pray for discernment and wisdom and God will give it to you. I have a verse that I speak out loud almost every day. Wisdom in my heart is like water and a deep, well, I'm a person of understanding and I draw it out. I believe it's Proverbs 20 verse five, I believe. But I find a couple scriptures and I speak them out loud.
Speaker 2 00:29:16 That is helpful. That is so helpful. Yeah. I mean, you are only, we are only gonna be able to discern God's will and plan if we spend time, more time in the work. Yes. Right. Yeah.
Speaker 3 00:29:27 And it, I will say, it sounds so simple and it is, yeah. It's, we try to make it complicated. It is not complicated. And I would say it's one different choice. And I always say in my podcast, you could be one different choice away from a better tomorrow. So I challenge you, make that one change in your life and just see if one year from today, if you don't have a better, more joyful life.
Speaker 2 00:30:01 Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for that. Yeah. I think we should take that and do share with us if you feel like, you know, this is for the listeners. If you feel touched about the fact in the next three months or two months, if you feel like a change happen in your life, come back to us and let us know. We'll be so happy to your dad. Right, Christie?
Speaker 3 00:30:21 Yes. Yes. Share it with me please. That brings me so much joy. Yes. And it encourages me to keep going. <laugh>.
Speaker 2 00:30:30 Yes. Yeah. You know, I, uh, you know, um, all of us struggle with sin. No one is perfect, right? Uh, yes. I may struggle with some sin. Someone may struggle with some other sin depend on, you know, uh, I always feel that depends on what, uh, what happened to our previous generations. And we kind of struggle with the similar strengths. You know, sin if we are not able to overcome, if we're not able to break that bondage. Right. Um, but every time, like I do something wrong Right. Or I go against God's will or I know what's right, what's wrong. Right. Cause and then the first thing I wanna do is, you know, run away from God. Right? That's the first thing I wanna do. I I don't wanna, um, maybe, maybe that's the shame that makes me do that, or the condemnation that makes me do that. I just love the fact that you were the opposite. You ran more towards God when you were in sha. How did you do that?
Speaker 3 00:31:30 Well, thank you. You know, I would have to say I ran away from God for a long time. Um, during the, the two and a half years of my affair. God was nudging me to come out with the truth. God was nudging me to tell my husband and I ran. I didn't wanna hear, I did not wanna do that. So the good thing is I've been in both places. The difference is, oh my goodness, my life is so much better living God's way. Yeah. I tried it the world's way. I had the security of my husband at home. I got to be with my daughter all the time. I got to play because I had a lot of extra time as a stay at home mom. And I had the boyfriend on the side. Right. And the world would tell you I deserve that because my husband didn't give me, he did not give me a lot of affection.
Speaker 3 00:32:26 Mm-hmm. Um, he was very depressed, very serious. Mm-hmm. He was a very serious man. Um, I felt like I was married to an older, like elder of a church and I would, would try to be silly and goofy and he would just kind of smoosh my happiness, I guess. And I think a lot of women experienced that. And it's very difficult. It's very difficult and I understand that. But I would say that was a season for him. He was in a season of depression that wasn't gonna be forever. And I could have found things outside of my marriage, like a little part-time job. Mm-hmm. Working with kids or working at the Y M C A or, um, helping somewhere at a church to get some socialization out. Cuz my husband didn't talk much. He's very quiet and I was just so lonely. I just felt so, so lonely.
Speaker 3 00:33:25 And I felt unseen. So I could have gotten my nails done once a month. I never did that. Maybe gotten a massage once every other month, um, to feel the human connection, you know, by a, a woman massage, uh, masseuse. Things that honored my marriage, but instead I did something that dishonored it. So I just wanna speak to the fact if you're in a marriage and you're not receiving the love that you hoped, or maybe he's not loving you the way he used to because that was my case. Yeah. Uh, my first husband was so fun and and goofy with me and played with me. And then we got married and he just got more and more serious every year, especially after we had our daughter. Mm-hmm. And I think that happens to men because they have so much responsibility now. Mm-hmm. And there's a shift, you know, and they have to provide.
Speaker 3 00:34:24 Um, and so it's a season for them. Don't give up on them. You wouldn't want them to give up on you. Right. And find things outside of your marriage you enjoy. Maybe get a puppy. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> where you can play with the puppy and give affection. Um, or get a little part-time job. You know. But I would also say this, God is a gentleman. He is not gonna go where he's not welcome. So even though God was nudging me, his voice got quieter and quieter and softer because I ignored him. Mm-hmm. So there was a season I didn't hear from God. Not because he wasn't there, because I was pushing him away. God is always there. God wants to hear from us. I started praying to God when I was in my affair. God, I know this is wrong. I should want to change, but I don't.
Speaker 3 00:35:26 And I'm scared. Help me. And he did help me. So just remember, God's a gentleman. He's not gonna go where He's not welcome. If you need help, you have to cry out. Welcome God, welcome the Holy Spirit. It's something I do daily now. I say, God, I love you. Thank you so much for today. I welcome your Holy Spirit into my heart, into my mind, into my soul, my mind, my will, my emotions into my, my thought choices, my words, my facial expressions. Because I always wanna be shining. I think that protects my mind from worldly thoughts. Cuz I invite the Holy Spirit every day. So know that God will never give up on you. He's always waiting for you, but he's waiting for you to welcome him.
Speaker 2 00:36:18 Thank you for sharing that. You know? Yeah. Your book talks about daddy size hole and mommy size hole. I think, um, everyone goes, every woman goes through that. Right? Uh, especially, um, I don't know. But in India, uh, parents, uh, before, I mean, in our generation, our parents were not that, uh, communicative or affectionate about their communication. And that's where there was daddy size hole I think that came in. And you start looking for someone else. And then that someone else doesn't give you what you think you need. You know? Uh, what I learned from my journey is, uh, I found that through God. Right. Filling that Paul, um, with the love of God. Right? Yes. Um, did you do the same? You wanna talk about it?
Speaker 3 00:37:05 Absolutely. Absolutely. And I would say I felt so unworthy of love. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I felt like who could ever love me? Now I've ruined my life. Um, people were telling me I had ruined my daughter's life. And so literally the only person that wanted to be with me was God <laugh>. You know? And I appreciated that he was chasing after me. He was the only one. So when everyone was running from me talking bad about me, glaring at me, I had people run from me in the church parking lot. I mean, it was bad. It was like I had leprosy. All of a sudden God ran to me. And I'll remember, I remember one evening, man, I was in a bad place. I was in a very bad place. I had a gun because I was a single mom and my house, it was a nice house, but it wasn't in the best of neighborhoods because I didn't have a lot of money. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And I would sleep with this gun under my bed.
Speaker 3 00:38:11 And so I was very tempted one day to into my life. And I was praying to God for help. And he kept whispering to me, it's okay, it's okay. Like, like a mother would hold her child. It's okay. And I'll never forget that. And he was saying it so much that I started saying it out loud to myself. It's okay. It's okay. And that became my, my mantra. So I would say to anyone who's in such a dark place that you feel so hopeless that you, the enemy will tell you you would be better off dead. He told me that your daughter would be better off without you. Your family would be better off without you. Look at the shame that you have brought your family. That is such a lie. Don't you dare. He wants you to end your life so you never come out of the valley on the mountaintop.
Speaker 3 00:39:13 So God chased me. He loved me right where I was. I felt his love. He was the one that told me it was gonna be okay. And I chose to believe him. You have to choose to believe God's voice, his leading, that's a choice. And only we can choose, you know, God gives us free will and he will honor our free will all the way to hell. If that's where you wanna go. He's a gentleman. But I, I just felt so much love for him because he listened to me. And that's, that meant so much to me. I can pray to God now. We are so close. He's, he's my first husband. Amen. And that is what makes my second husband perfect for me. My second husband is not perfect. He leaves his laundry and, and, uh, you know, he, he's not, he's far from perfect, but he's perfect for me.
Speaker 3 00:40:11 You know why? Because God is my first husband. I get my self worth. I get my, my value, my value comes because Romans five, eight, right. God demonstrated his love for me, for Christine Neal, when he gave his son to die for me while I was still a sinner. You, you read it for yourself. So for me, what I hear while I was in my affair sleeping with a married man, living it up, living life, like the world tells me I deserve, that's when God decided to send Jesus to die for me. Yeah. That, that is my value. And I, on my 40th birthday, I went and got, um, tattoos for me that say free indeed because, and that's from John 8 36, who the son says, free. They're free. Indeed. I am free from that sin. I am so free from guilt and shame. I have zero of it. And that is because of what Jesus did for me. Because I still ha I live in the same town. I'm talking about it all the time right now in my ministry. I have people that do not like that <laugh>.
Speaker 3 00:41:36 I get a, I get hate mail, I get ugly things said to me. It's okay because I'm free indeed. I'm working unto the Lord. I'm looking for my next woman to help. Right. I'm looking for Cheryl. Yeah. I'm looking for you ladies. And it's okay. My message is not for everyone. So I would say to you, if you're being nudged to, to write a book, to start a podcast, your message is not for everyone. Anytime we step out and lead, 50% of the people are gonna love what we're doing. Yay. So proud of you. 50% of the people are gonna hate it. Yeah. And they're gonna let you know. And that's okay. And you pray blessings over them. And you say, my message isn't for everyone, but thank you, Lord. I know I'm doing something right because I'm getting persecuted. Right. <laugh>, I'm making the devil mad. Right. So just know that God loves you so much. And I think this was the key for me.
Speaker 3 00:42:42 I was surprised that I had an affair. I I can't believe it even to this day, to be honest. It's almost like a different person jumped into my body, took over and did all of those things. But God was not surprised. He knew that I was gonna do that. He knew I was gonna end up divorced and he knew I was gonna have this ministry. So I would say to you, don't believe the lie that God cannot use you any longer because of X, Y, Z. You fill in the blank. God already knew you were gonna do that thing. Or God already knew that was gonna be done to you or the circumstance that you're in or your marriage. He already knew where you would be. God is like a brilliant chess master. He takes our lives and he already can see all of it.
Speaker 3 00:43:37 And he weaves strategically his purpose through our lives, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Who would've ever dreamed that? A little southern girl from a broken home in Tennessee who had an affair with her man in a church? How ugly. And I'll share something that I don't always share. I used to teach Sunday school with his wife. How ugly can you think of anything uglier than that other than maybe human trafficking? That's so ugly. And I chose that. I did that. I, I schemed and I plotted and I lied for two and a half years. So ugly. Could you ever imagine that God would take that hot mess? What a mess. And turn it to a hot bless. Where now is blessing you and, and you and you only God. That's not Christy Neal. I'm not that smart. That is God. That is what God can do with your life, your mistakes, your circumstances, the abuse that you've endured or are enduring.
Speaker 3 00:44:49 He can turn it. If you surrender every day, you wake up, God, what needs to be done today? And you work unto God, you let him love you where you are. Read Romans five, eight every day. Read Jeremiah 29 11 every day for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. He's declaring it. Plans to prosper you, not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future. And I spoke those promises every day, not because I knew what was gonna happen and some days I didn't even really believe it. It's like, I don't know how you're gonna do anything with me. I'm a loser down here. I spoke them every day. I chose to stand on God's promises. And you can choose that too.
Speaker 2 00:45:42 Thank you so much for sharing that, Christie. Yes. Yes. Wonderful. Wonderful. Thank you. Just a couple of minutes left. Do you wanna pray for these women, you know, they're suffering from shame or condemnation or they're just seeking, they're at that crossroad thinking of where, which, what do I choose? Right? Uh, do you wanna pray for them before we I would love to.
Speaker 3 00:46:04 I would be honored. Yes. Gotta just thank you so much for your daughters and you know exactly who is listening and watching to this Lord. And you know, you knew they were going to and you have planted the seeds of hope and healing and freedom and forgiveness and love in their heart today. And I ask God that you would continue to water that seed. I ask that you would send people into their lives every day to guide their steps, to speak, love over them, hope over them, healing over them. I thank you, God for the God winks that they are gonna experience. And I wanna claim right now, Matthew 1818 over every daughter that's listening, what I bind on Earth is bound in heaven. I loose on earth, is loose in heaven. And I lose the blessings of God to overtake them. I fully expect them to be overwhelmed by your goodness.
Speaker 3 00:46:59 I thank you for your goodness. God, I thank you that you take our messes and you turn them to beautiful blesses for other people. I pray that each girl listening would know that she has a gift and a purpose that only she can fulfill. And I want her to know God, that you love her so, so, so much that you called on me over 12 years ago to be sitting here today because you knew your daughter would be listening to this and would need this. I thank you for calling me. I thank you for loving us the way that you do, Lord. And I pray and claim Jeremiah 29 11 over, everyone listening for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. And I thank you, God, that you will expedite their healing. And I claim healing for their hearts and their spirits. Lord, I claim first Peter 2 24, through Jesus strikes, they were healed. Help them to receive the healing and help them to make that simple choice of just choosing different, to spend just 15 minutes in the morning with you that'll change their life, their heart, their attitude. And just thank you, God for loving us. Thank you for Jesus. Thank you for Romans five, eight for loving us when we're messy and ugly and we just love you so much. It's in Jesus precious name we pray. Amen.
Speaker 2 00:48:26 Amen. Amen. Amen. Thank you so much for the beautiful prayer. Thank you so much. Aw,
Speaker 3 00:48:32 Thank you. I'm, I'm so honored and I wish I could give every one of you a big hug and, and look at you and say, you are gonna be okay. You're gonna be better than okay. You're gonna be stronger, you're gonna have tougher skin and a kinder heart. You're gonna be a better mom, a better friend, a better daughter. And I believe in you. And don't give up. Don't let the enemy win. It's one thing that I did. I said, you mess with the wrong little woman,
Speaker 2 00:49:00 <laugh>.
Speaker 3 00:49:01 That's fine. You can have my first family. I'm gonna save thousands upon millions upon tens of millions of other first families. So get mad at the right person. You get mad at the enemy and you say you mess with the wrong little woman. Yeah. I'm about to make some waves <laugh>.
Speaker 2 00:49:20 That's lovely. That's lovely. Thank you so much. We had so much fun. Uh, you know, that's fun Steve Christie and uh, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. We blessed. Thank you so much. Thank
Speaker 3 00:49:34 You. I appreciate it. Thank you Cheryl.
Speaker 1 00:49:39 Thank you for listening and hope you enjoyed this episode. If you found this inspiring and think someone needs to hear this today, do share this episode. Link with them for sharing is scary. And don't forget to visit our website, soul girls.com and check out our weekly blogs, free resources, and other exciting digital content. See you next time.
